Lumy (luminations) wrote,

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Why do I write?

Lots of reasons. I should say why do I write CREATIVELY. I've always poured my heart into my journal, since I was given my first one in... 3rd grade? I don't even remember for sure. I wish I'd kept those. The earliest journal I still have is from 7th grade. Anyhoo - that's an obvious release for me, writing in my journal without censorship, without fear of someone questioning or criticizing what I've written. Thinking I'm a freak. I have my own made-up words I still use when writing "to myself." No one ever needs to understand because those are for ME. Me alone.

I wrote stories when I was younger too. Never would show anyone. Again, they were for ME. Oh I wish I'd saved some of the "porn" I wrote as a teenager. I'm sure it was really, REALLY bad. I threw those away as soon as I finished them because OMGSHAME! Heh. Life got real busy when I was working full-time and going to school full-time, and I really only had time to write in my diary and write the occasional dark'n'dreary poem. But I got inspired by... something... and wrote a story about a little boy who gets fucked over by the world, and it wasn't half bad. My English major friend convinced me to show him. He said the fact that I used a little boy symbolizes something - for the life of me I can't remember what it is. Innocence lost, maybe? I don't know why a girl wouldn't be the same. Anyway, he made a few suggestions about how to redo the ending and for once I didn't feel like it was a personal attack on me, the way I always did in art school (HAAAAAAAAAAATED review days!). Damnit, I really want to catch up with him now. I'll have to google him and see if I can track him down. He was my buddy. When I went through my "OMG stay away from me I don't want anyone touching me EVAR!" phase, he was the only one I'd allow to hug me. He was like a big sweet teddy bear.

Gah, I'm rambling. Did I have a point? Um.... hmmmm.

Why do I write. Yeah.

I guess I can't really answer that for sure. It's fun, I can lose myself in it, I really don't need to show it to anyone, but I find myself wanting people to like it. Must be human nature. I think most of the stuff I've posted in this journal so far has been pretty "safe." Safe as in not much risk-taking.

I'm going to do every challenge at swficchallenge but I'll never be able to make their deadlines... I WANT to. I like that there are deadlines that should force you to crank out your ideas instead of letting them die a slow death in your overstimulated brain. I just... fail.

Blech. Monday. Guess I should, you know, start WORKING since I'm at work. Phooey.
Tags: babble, star wars
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